Ŧĥә ŇěVêŘ ЕηÐýŇ ĆïŔčĹә Ǿf ŁγFә

huh

2011-11-27T23:32:00.003+08:00

do i really still care?
well i guess it matters not.

if there's anything this has taught me.
it's that there's probably nothing to expect at the end.

yet if there really is,
i must be the luckiest person in the world.

at least i'll think that of myself when it happens,
if it happens.

and

2011-09-01T23:00:00.001+08:00

and i hope.
that all this will be saved.

for, at least, a long time.
that's not too hard to be possible won't it?

that way i really can look back.

and laugh at how i was such a fool back then.

and how those foolish experiences,
grew me into a proper person.

to mold a good individual
really takes a lifetime.

change

2011-04-10T12:39:00.002+08:00

this is the moment where everything will start being decided.
it's just the chance i need.

to a life of non-fresh milk tea with no pearls, because it is large anyway.

not everything in life goes according to plan.
so we just have to live with it.
and when seen like that.

life will be happy.

deception

2011-02-05T08:18:00.003+08:00

a note to myself:

you're being deceived.
you're deceiving yourself.

break out of this facade before it's too late.
ironically what you tell others applies most of all to you.

so what are you waiting for.
face it, or run away forever.

still

2010-12-05T12:20:00.003+08:00

i don't see why you keep coming back to me.
i don't see why you keep giving me hope.

but nevertheless,
it sure feels alot better than cringing in doubt.

so what shall i do now.
at least something right i guess.

something right to win your heart.

again, no

2010-12-01T19:49:00.001+08:00

it probably will never have the happy ending.
i had hoped it would have a tiny chance of happening.

that's not to say that i won't try.
but i'm quite sure of the end that awaits me.

looks like i finally got something right.

beginning

2010-11-27T00:35:00.002+08:00

and thus we come
to the beginning of the end.
the real beginning of the end.

human wants are so simple.
just what is desired for at the point in time.
i am no different.

really.
all i just want now.
is obvious.

and i don't know if all of this is just false hope.
but i really.
really want it.

so close,
and yet so far.
just how much more can my weary heart take.

i'll let it take everything.
till the point of death.
risk it all.

just for the glimmer of hope that.

my reward will come.

no

2010-11-16T18:31:00.001+08:00

i think even up till now.
there's this huge chasm in between us both.

and i don't know if it will ever be crossed.

soon

2010-11-05T19:19:00.001+08:00

it will be over.
and i'll start running after you again.

it's like you're facing me now.
taunting me to make my move.

and though i have no faith for victory.
sometimes the battle can be won.

against all odds.

desire

2010-10-30T01:30:00.002+08:00

i begin to doubt my ability to pursue.
will patience really pay off?

i might be wrong.
and you might end up just being like the rest.

all the people that i detest.

but what can i do,
for i'm still young, and i will still let my heart be broken.

so do what you must, if you must,
and smash it into pieces.

so i can pick them up quickly and move along.

but of course, this is not what i desire.
after all, who doesn't want a happy ending?

so i can only hope and pray.
and continue to show myself to you.

hoping that you will open yourself to me as well.
and when that happens.

we'll be more than the good friends we are now.
and that is truly.

what i desire more than anything in the world right now.

500 and failure

2010-10-23T12:10:00.002+08:00

this proved to be far more difficult than i had ever imagined.
but it's not over yet.

because i can and will not forget.
and until i've tried my best.

nothing will stop me from chasing after your heart.
and when you finally put this trust in me, we will endure the pain together.

and there will ultimately be happiness.
because of all the irony that brought and still keeps us together.

there couldn't have been a better miracle than this.
so let's wait.

for the final chapter to begin.

patience

2010-10-17T10:34:00.002+08:00

and here i wait.
once again.

sometimes i don't know if it's you who might need me.
or i'm the one really needing you.

i just wish you'd open up to me.
but i won't force it, i don't want our friendship to be lost.

so i'll wait.
because in this gray world.

nothing else really matters.

incompetence

2010-10-16T00:23:00.001+08:00

in the end.
the people that matter the most to me.
slip through my fingers like sand.
faster than ever.

because i'm clenching my fist so hard, never wanting to let them go.

maybe i should just stop this
if you don't want me to help you.

hope

2010-10-14T00:06:00.002+08:00

even if it might be false.
the gap between us has certainly almost disappeared.

we're closer than i could ever imagine.

saved

2010-10-11T23:44:00.002+08:00

the good news.
i managed to figure out what exactly was going on.

so time to get back to life.

help

2010-10-11T21:05:00.002+08:00

stop being such a selfish bastard.

all i can think about is you.
this is not good.
not good at all.

i put on a confident front.
look as if i'm fine and ready to help everyone else.
now i'm crumbling at my own unstable emotions.

why are you so kind to me.
this kindness which i don't think i deserve.
yet it's what i yearn now.

far more than anything.

i thought everything was cleared and fine.
lying in wait for when the real thing would start.
yet i can't even wait one day without feeling like i'm going to break.

and it's obvious that i have brought this upon myself.
so i will suffer for it.
but i can't take this much longer.

as pathetic as it seems.
it looks like i haven't learnt my lesson.
stuck in square one.

you say sometimes you're in need of salvation.
and i'll tell you.
you have long become mine.

and i can't do without you.
i want to get over this childish attitude.
even with a bit of hope at the end i may be disappointed.

and i don't want to scream when that happens.
so i have to get over this now.
not to leave you behind, but to stop myself from obsessing about you.

they say absence makes the heart grow fonder.
i can't even take a day of that.
the more i think of it, the less i feel like continuing this life.

obviously the world is cruel.
and i will live on.
for better, or for worse.

this pain i go through.
the pain i put myself through.
as a consequence of my own selfishness.

i will bear it for you.

for i will stop looking at only myself.
and even if that gives me the false hope that a selfless person will be more deserving of your feelings.
i wish you only happiness.

but i can't give you happiness now.
so i can only deprive you of sadness.
because at least a gray world of confusion and doubt.

is better than a black one.
i can grant you at least that.
so off i go.

because even if it doesn't pay off, it was the right thing to do.

untitled

2010-09-11T13:26:00.001+08:00

each day we take another step forward.
and i just hope you'll walk with me from now on.

every step of the way.

risk

2010-09-03T09:11:00.001+08:00

everyday we take risks.
today shall be no exception.

but one slightly braver step i shall try to take.
and who knows.

the returns may just end up far greater than i'll ever imagine.

revival

2010-09-01T11:03:00.003+08:00

through all the delusions.
i have seen.
what i can only pass off as.
what i really feel.

i will run.
and run will all my strength.
to catch you by the hand.
and yet i doubt.

i doubt myself.
they say everyone's worst enemy is himself.
and that is true.
i fear for what might happen if i would fail.

for even though my heart has hardened.
this is a feeling that seems to penetrate.
even the thickest of hearts.
what a mysterious feeling it is.

it compels me to think in circles once again.
and to revive the writing i used to do.
so, so frequently.
i thought i had abandoned it for good.

but no matter how far i think.
i know that there will be no way i can read into the future.
the only thing i can do.
is to live for the present.

live for today.
forget about imagining scenarios.
they will never turn out.
the way you imagine them to be anyway.

if you even get there in the first place.

why does my heart conflict upon itself?
inside it feels as if swords are clashing.
it feels as if i wasn't supposed to experience this in the first place.
and yet i yearn for it.

it's too late to turn back now.
so i will only put my hope and trust in myself.
i shall ask for no more help.
for the rest is up to me.

happiness can only be known from sadness.
so i will toil.
i will work my utmost best to get to you.
because i have seen and known.

that the hardest work will always pay off.

i am not desperate for it.
the only benefit my hardened heart provides.
yet it is something i desire above almost everything else.
and for happiness, i know i must suffer.

just sitting here and thinking provides me suffering.
but it is small, and it is weak.
there will be no way i shall succumb to it.
for it is not deserving at all.

and so it starts.
my quest for the feeling once lost.
the sparks have been set off, the fire ablaze.
the gears are turning, and old machinery running again.

and here's hoping.
hoping for the best.
who does not yearn for his reward.
after the effort he has put in.

so with that tiny glimmer of hope i shall trust in.

and here's hoping that it may finally end well for once.

dream

2010-08-27T15:32:00.002+08:00

May it be an evening star
Shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh! How far you are from home

Mornië utúlië (darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornië alantië (darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now

May it be the shadows call
Will fly away
May it be you journey on
To light the day
When the night is overcome
You may rise to find the sun

Mornië utúlië (darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornië alantië (darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now

A promise lives within you now

dreams that were.
dreams that are.
and dreams that will be.

does my heart really yearn for what it has never really experienced before?
if so, then the situation might just be right.

i'll just watch for awhile longer.
and hopefully.

hopefully something will happen.
something that i can only hope.

will bring pure joy and memory to my naïve heart.

end

2010-08-04T00:01:00.003+08:00

EDIT: and this was not it after all.
for i have found what really matters to me.
this time, no delusions.
for real.

here we go again.

from deep within.
the feelings that were once lost.

start to emerge once more.

back to clutch my heart,
or to haunt it.

i do not know yet.

i have changed.
i myself am fully aware.

but in the end the outcome might still be the same.

at least now,
my heart has hardened.

and i don't yearn for it as badly as i used to.

for the end of the beginning,
is merely the beginning of the end.

i will try and i will see.
should i fail or succeed.

i'll accept it either way.

life

2010-05-17T00:46:00.002+08:00

what a rare time
for me to come back like this.

i hate the world
i hate the system.

it never lets you do
what you want to do.

what you love
what you enjoy.

you will never get it.
unless you fight.

and even after you've fought your all
you still may not get it.

and this is the truth.
the ugly truth.

no one wants to hear it
because it's just so awful.

and in the end
they still live on.

and in the end
i still live on.

because this world is not beautiful
therefore it is.

milestones

2010-02-28T11:58:00.001+08:00

soon hitting 500.
maybe not if i keep up this attitude of posting once a month.

i need to get my job done.
i will when the holidays come i guess.

so until then.
we will all wait.

double

2010-01-25T16:33:00.002+08:00

singles take too long to release.
oh how long more must my weary heart bear?

because all this suffering we bear.
is all for that one single moment.
a moment of revelry and joy.
of sheer truth and happiness.

and it is worth it.

it most definitely will be.

found

2010-01-24T21:29:00.003+08:00

with rainbow rings on the road.
the story that will never be told.

of the expected grand sounds and sights.
the grand finale that was supposed to be tonight.

for change will happen.
even if everything else were to be abandoned.

because it will happen.

gone

2009-12-28T09:49:00.003+08:00

more weird dreams from a place far away.
it was an expected fail.

and what more,
it's going to start.

from here,
and now on.

what is going to become of me.
what is going to become of those around me.

and when will i find.
or when will i achieve.

what i set out in this tiny life to achieve.
the road is long.

and the end is far from sight.
but if i start now.

i might just make it.
and at the end of the road.

i wonder who will be there.
arms spread wide.

waiting with a smile to welcome me.

now

2009-12-12T17:15:00.002+08:00

after letting mind explode with ideas.
i return forgetting all but one.
maybe more but for now.
just one.

excerpts from an identical diary.

".......7 or 8.................still could move.................who are all.................those questions haunted me...............not even now..............what purpose............go away............like a glass sculpture.............million shattered pieces...........who is this..........one person...maybe.......................................

i wonder who it could be"

again

2009-11-28T18:38:00.002+08:00

pieces of a memory.
once lost,
now found.

left to rot there again.

and away i go.

rage

2009-09-26T18:40:00.001+08:00

of cycles and diagrams.
soon that time will come.

where i will stand and face.
the monstrosity in front of me.

maybe i will think some thoughts.
and get over and done with it.

for what have we got.
but the power of our own.

silly, sadistic minds.

2009-09-22T22:46:00.002+08:00

as the fateful day approaches again.
i realise now that.
it doesn't mean as much.
as it did back then.

it was just a matter of.
being overly hopeful.
and refusing to accept the truth.
that was all it was.

well.
i've tried.
so maybe. maybe if i hope and wait for a miracle.
it might happen.

but its not like i need it to happen anyway.
i am quite content with what i have now.
and so i guess this time it will be.
farewell for good.

i never had much of a part in this anyway.
i was making everything up to myself.
so i owe an apology.
i suppose.

but you won't need it anyway.
in fact, you probably won't see it.
for there comes a time where the road will fork.
and the paths that once diverged will separate again.

and that time is now.
so without hope of you looking back.

i wave this final wave.
hoping that we may someday.

some life.

meet again.

phase

2009-09-04T23:10:00.002+08:00

what was i thinking about again.
oh yeah.

risks.
gambling is a life skill.

not that kind of gambling.
not necessarily.

but life is full of choices.
so cliche.

choices appear at every decision.
every situation that unfolds.

each of them leads to another.
and each of them also leads to a consequence.

and more often than not.
we don't know what these consequences are.

and which choice will lead to them.
not to mention whatever else comes after that.

so we take a risk.
a gamble of sorts.

because if we didn't make the choice.
well, it would be a choice anyway.

and we would know the consequence of that.
because everyone knows the consequence for sloth.

living the life.
is taking the risks.

whether they're calculated or not.
we put them aside.

and we make a break for what we desire.
because when, and if, we should get it.

it would be the happiest day of our lives.

tap

2009-09-03T17:53:00.002+08:00

not dead.
yet.

i always think of stuff to write about when i'm walking home.
but in the end i just don't write it.

maybe im just lazy.
but i don't mind.

at least i'm not crazy.

anyway.
it's time to start all over again.

i don't even need to think about finishing.

just whether i can start properly or not.

alone

2009-08-12T23:45:00.004+08:00

with a single instrument.
i will sit here.

and begin to play again.

for there is one thing,
that i can never live without.

and luckily.
it will probably stay with me.

till the day i die.

i looked up
from the pitch black world.

it's like the night sky
is filled with raining stars.

i wonder when i started
to chase after you.

please, no matter what.
don't be surprised.

listen to
these feelings.

of mine.

story

2009-07-28T17:35:00.001+08:00

you scream and shout at those "monsters"
but to them,

we are monsters as well.

well

2009-07-23T22:45:00.001+08:00

almost there.
almost overdue.
well i'm not that lazy.
so here i go.

afterthought

2009-07-16T16:14:00.003+08:00

i wouldn't say anything good has happened.
nor anything bad.
but things are just changing.
and i'm just sitting.

in the same old place.
where were all the words about.
changing.
and changing now.

so i guess.
maybe its time to start again.

now.

again

2009-07-07T22:21:00.000+08:00

as the summer air draws,
and the rain starts to pour.
it is over,
but it has just begun.

so i have realised this lack of attention.
so i have given some attention.

i am sort of short-pressed for time.
it's always like that after we enjoy, isn't it?
so time to sort things out again.

for i don't mind settling for second place.
but i want to get the job done.

and off i go.

again.

too

2009-06-09T20:14:00.003+08:00

sigh.
since when was it.
that i stopped caring?

anyway.
back to rant.
about a few small nothings.

there's too little time.
there's too many things to do.
and probably no way to solve it.

but.
that's all my wishful thinking.
it'll solve itself eventually.

one way or another.

more h-i-n-a spamming.
and meaningless insulting.
continues to plague me.

but i brought this upon myself anyway.
so who else do i have left to blame.
i know, but i don't do anything about it.

yeah. that's right.
i know.
but i don't do anything.

i guess then.
its time to do something.
rather, try to.

so little time.
so many things to do.
and yet i find joy in my situation right now.

a few weak forces.
they are what's left.
and they hold me up.

i would probably just fade away,
should they let go one day.
but that will never happen.

because it's what they're here for.
and, for one.
wonderful music will never die out.

so i'll just sit here,
waiting as always.
waiting for that one day.

when the sun will smile upon me.

well

2009-05-29T23:43:00.001+08:00

by popular demand.
three more lines.

to appease your hungry souls.

well

2009-05-25T00:51:00.000+08:00

with a one-liner.
its time to turn.

and time to start all over again.

further

2009-05-11T23:27:00.002+08:00

what a sober day.

i guess now.
something really needs to get done.

so its time.
time to shift everything one big round.

because by figuring out what to do next.
i'll have a little bit more hope to the world.

so maybe everyone was right.
or i'm just giving in to everyone.

but it doesn't matter anymore.
all that matters is what i do right here.

and right now.

fall

2009-05-05T23:19:00.002+08:00

trust is a fragile thing.
but sometimes its a wonderful thing.

too bad.
everything isn't this nice.

that's why the "sometimes" is there.
it doesn't denote a chance.

it denotes a miracle.
and miracles don't exist on this world.

so i shall just give up for now.
and look neutral.

for its the only thing i can do.
and halfway there.

is much better than not there at all.

waft

2009-05-04T00:14:00.000+08:00

need i say more?

dream

2009-04-26T12:40:00.002+08:00

if only it could really happen.
well.

people need people.
and people change people.

people resist change.
and people resist people.

so what draws everything here,
and everything away?

perhaps it is not what i think it is.
perhaps it is.

so maybe i should stop wondering.
and get back.

and back to the grey world i shall go.

well

2009-04-21T19:27:00.002+08:00

what was the point in the end.

in the process of thinking up of a password.
as well as pondering about other meaningless nothings.

oh well.
i guess there's nothing left to say.

Little girl in the mirror
Looking back...lost in wonder...
Will I be pretty when I'm grown
When my teddy bears and toys give way
To going to school and boys
Will I have one of my own ...

Will he be strong
Tue and faithful, right or wrong and will...
Will he take me where the grown-ups always go
Mirror, mirror tell me if you know

Young girl in the mirror
Wedding day...lost in satin
You watch you life flashing through
Will it be like a storybook rhyme
One last look and the preacher says it's time
Time to say I do...

Will he be strong
Tue and faithful, right or wrong and if...
If I have doubts, will he say it isn't so
Mirror, mirror tell me if you know

Little girl in the mirror,
Looking back…lost in wonder
She feels her mummy’s gentle touch
I know what you’re thinking girl and…
I can’t guarantee a perfect world
But I promise you this much…

Will he be strong,
True and faithful, right or wrong and if…
If he is like your daddy’s been to me
You won’t need that mirror, girl you’ll see.

feeling

2009-04-16T22:40:00.002+08:00

oh well.
just goes to show.

that there is hope for everyone.

i guess.

change

2009-04-14T20:49:00.002+08:00

major rescheduling underway.
that means i probably get more time to do.

what the world deems productive.
it doesn't matter anyway.

maybe the talk was right.
or maybe the majority is right again.

conform i must.
and conform i shall.

intangible

2009-04-08T18:46:00.002+08:00

well.
who knows again.

sinfest for the filler.
because i can't get anything else.

i look at the world in a different perspective.
and that's all i need to know.

maybe it's time for a short change of plans.

reluctant

2009-04-03T17:28:00.000+08:00

well.
after all.

who knows.

who knows what i'm going to do now.

branch

2009-03-23T21:17:00.006+08:00

edit: +sinfest

well.
what i haven't been waiting for is now here.

so i can only treasure it.
while it lasts.

although technically it's meant to last forever.
but there will be one day.

one day when it will fade from me.

but.
it's still a part of my life.

so it won't die out yet.

following emotions is a silly thing to do.
but i guess one will still learn from it.

i see a long winding path.
and on its both sides.

is lush.
green grass.

that will open up to a vast plain.
which rustles when the wind blows.

i will stare at the borderless sight in front of me.
and think.

that this really was what i was meant to do.

procrastination

2009-03-18T00:01:00.002+08:00

soon.
i'll get to it soon.

well there's something to look forward to.
this year. probably.

but i'll have to wait.
and my work won't wait.

so i have to get to it.

soon enough.

confirmation

2009-03-15T23:51:00.001+08:00

and so it shall begin.
and so it shall end.

very.
very soon.

but.
i have no doubt.

one day the sun will come out.

last

2009-03-12T19:14:00.002+08:00

and so it shall be.
that tomorrow.

we will be happy.
for just a moment.

lives will change for a short time.
before we realise.

that it was all just a breather.
and the time to get back to work would be soon.

very.
very soon.

but we will treasure this moment.
because i think quite realistically.

and the truth is.
we won't have the chance to do this again.

maybe we might.
but it'll get harder all the same.

so treasure it we will.
and after it is over.

we will look back at it one day.
and be happy.

for we spent that time well.

very, very well.

close

2009-03-11T21:53:00.002+08:00

because.
soon it shall be over.

and then the hopeful reunion.
and then the parting again.

if only the future was this easy to read into.

i can't seem to concentrate.
it just shows the amount of interest i have in accomplishing the task at hand.

something tells me i might still get a decent grade anyway.
after all it's just common sense.

if only the future was this easy to read into.

well i will still try.
and hope that what i want to achieve in will achieve.

then i will start working harder.
in everything.

and then perhaps it will.
all go smooth sailing from there.

if only the future was this easy to read into.

it's a big world out there.
i wonder how i will survive on my own.

infatuation

2009-03-08T09:50:00.002+08:00

maybe it was just that.

as the day draws nearer.
i can only look as it will eventually pass by.

well if only i could get my hands on one of those butterflies.
maybe they'll still fly when i get the chance to go.

the timing is conventional though.
they should do it like the video.

then it will be all the more wonderful.

soon the weekend will be over again.
and we shall return to work.

until it comes back again.

likewise.
i shall wait.

after all this is only one thing in my life.
as if there are any others more important than it.

but all the more.
the time will come.

and i shall wait for it.

strength

2009-03-05T17:12:00.002+08:00

maybe the fourth panel is something
like what i'm doing right now.

and by tomorrow.
it'll be the end of the working week again.

of course i will still work through the weekend.
but with friends.

with friends.

it's just so much better.

stone

2009-03-04T19:30:00.001+08:00

And I've got to get that message home.

crisis

2009-03-02T18:29:00.005+08:00

why didn't they realise.
that what they wished for the most was right beside them.

perhaps i shall just give up now.
because maybe.

it just wasn't meant to be.
so i can only hold those feelings back in my heart.

and wait for someone to walk by again.
and say hello.

we live in such a fast moving world.
little do they know that while they cut down their trees.

right beside them lies pastures of green.
with every sight to behold.

so when they slow down.
and finally realise what they have missed.

i will show it to them.
although i myself haven't seen it yet.

but somehow.
i will find it before all of them.

My song is love
Love to the loveless shown
And it goes on
You don't have to be alone

Your heavy heart
Is made of stone
And it's so hard to see you, clearly
You don't have to be on your own
You don't have to be on your own

And I'm not gonna take it back
And I'm not gonna say I don't mean that
You're the target that I'm aiming at
Can i get that message home?

My song is love
My song is love unknown,
But I'm on fire for you, clearly
You don't have to be alone
You don't have to be on your own

And I'm not gonna take it back
And I'm not gonna say I don't mean that
You're the target that I'm aiming at
And I'm nothing on my own
Got to get that message home

And I'm not gonna stand and wait
I'm not gonna leave it until it's much too late
On a platform, I'm gonna stand and say
That I'm nothing on my own
And I love you, please come home

My song is love, is love unknown?
And I've got to get that message home.

for all the beautiful things in this world.
cannot match up to the beauty of life.

and why we can do all this.
well, who knows.

maybe its just best to remain in the dark.

flame

2009-02-23T22:50:00.006+08:00

i forgot about this.
one of the epics that happened only after we parted ways.
(although i'd like to think we haven't really yet done so)

but it makes us value this all the more so.

so just let it stay.
a little longer like this.

and all will be well.

On a sleepless night
I sigh all alone
How’s everyone?
I feel kind of lonely

That’s not like me
So stop laughing
It’s just that I don’t know
My true self

Into the broad earth, a single seed
Extended its roots
And bore fruit that was still unripe

The fruit wants to hurry up
And turn orange-colored
Basking in your light
My ideals and dreams only expand
Notice me, hey
I tried to eat
An orange today, too
But it was still sour and I cried
Because it’s unlike me to leave any behind
I ate it all
I loved it; I felt like crying
I loved it; I loved it

Even if they’re similar, they’re different
Mandarins and oranges
Friends and lovers
And our two hearts, too

I didn’t want to get hurt
So I fled
When I did that, not even light
Would shine upon me

They’re miracles, right?
Encounters and love
Seeds and buds
Even for the fruit that was still unripe

The color orange makes me recall
The sunset glow that I saw
On that day
It seemed as if our two shadows
Held hands together
I wondered if the oranges
Would turn sweet someday
Or would they wither?
I didn’t want to learn of my future
So I ate it all
It was sour…
I loved it, but I felt like crying
I loved it, so I felt like crying

The fruit wants to hurry up
And turn orange-colored
Basking in your light
My ideals and dreams only expand
Notice me, hey
I tried to eat
An orange today, too
But again, it was sour and I cried
Because it’s unlike me to leave any behind
I ate it all; I loved it
I felt like crying; I loved it
I loved it
I loved it; so sour
I felt like crying; I loved it

なけると。
好きだよ。

bow

2009-02-22T20:37:00.004+08:00

because this will become very relevant in the near future.

well the movie.
it was good.

life is that cruel.
and it showed that well.

very.
very well.

because there is always.
a sacrifice for a greater good.

and the good gets greater.
and the goods before it sacrificed for it.

so know that.
no matter how great the price.

it is what one will do.
to chase after his destiny.

because destiny won't come to you.
and instead it will be you.

you who will run towards it.

darkness

2009-02-16T21:39:00.001+08:00

...

because i don't feel like writing anything else.

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

Then I'll follow you into the dark

trigger

2009-02-15T20:19:00.002+08:00

for there is this slight possibility.
that it might even end tomorrow.

for without material.
there is no power.

and without power.
you can't change anything.

and without change.
everything shall stay the same.

the same that you didn't wish for.

but my heart shall not waver.
i shall keep it still.

no matter how big the insecurity that may overshadow me.
i shall continue shining that light.

for with determination and a heart that never wavers.
i can.

and i will succeed.

my heart is not wavering.
i'm just thinking.

about how.
how to get out of this.

fighting so many times against fate.
and losing every single battle.

what are my chances now?

but i will still fight.
for when the one you hold dearest in your heart appears.

you will shout out.
and clash.

no matter how low the odds.
and no matter how it ends.

because you did it for her.
and then you will realise.

that it was fated from the start.

through

2009-02-14T23:58:00.002+08:00

and.

one minute before.
everything is calm.
and everything is normal.

supposedly normal.

various ideas passing through.
none of them making sense at all.
it's the excitement.

and it's taking over me.

but hope nothing yet, child.
for there is still a long way to go.
and there is still a distance to walk.

so you shall continue.

and walk you will.
towards only one destination.
because without that destination.

your life will have no meaning.

and then with determination.
and a heart that never wavers.
you will reach that destination.

and then you can smile.

and it shall be returned.

and all will be well.

vibe

2009-02-13T19:10:00.008+08:00

i too.
want inexpensive ramen to tide these times.

first week of class.
has been alright i suppose.

every day normal but this one.
with some logic, i figure out a lot of things.

that were once invisible to me.

now i only have one chance.
and this chance i shall use.

and i have to succeed.
because you don't normally get a second chance.

so you shouldn't fall back on it.

so perhaps.
this year.

might be the best one after all.

I walked you home most days
to beat the traffic after class
with all my best intentions.
But when the weather changed,
like fine print, you were hard to read.
Blind-folded, eyes wide open,
staring through me.

I never heard the words that were spoken,
with the rumored nights, with the rendezvous.
I never thought the whispers were true ‘til now…
I saw things that I shouldn’t have tonight, tonight.
I know now what I couldn’t have,
I’ve gone too far to turn it back
I’ve gone too far to turn it back

Followed you home halfway,
over the fence to your backyard,
with all my best intentions.
And through your window frame,
outstretched and lying on your bed,
Blind-folded, eyes wide open,
staring through me.

I never heard the words that were spoken,
with the rumored nights, with the rendezvous.
I never look at you like i used to now
I saw things that I shouldn’t have tonight, tonight.
I know now what I couldn’t have,
I’ve gone too far to turn it back
I’ve gone too far to turn it back

Uninvited, no one knows
how much I care, how bad you are,
How good we’d be, but you won’t let me in
Goodnight I’m leaving.

I never heard the words that were spoken,
with the rumored nights, with the rendezvous.
I never thought the whispers were true ‘til now…
I saw things that I shouldn’t have tonight, tonight.
I know now what I couldn’t have,
I’ve gone too far to turn it back
I saw things that I shouldn’t have tonight, tonight.
I know now what I couldn’t have,
I’ve gone too far to turn it back

I walked you home most days
I had the best intentions
I walked you home most days
I had the best intentions
I walked you home most days

step

2009-02-12T21:48:00.005+08:00

reduced to ash.

well anyway.

what else to say.
hm.

the week's coming to an end.
i need to find a time to slot my homework in.
otherwise it'll be a new week before i even realise it.

well i'll find it somehow.

and then.
gathering notes and.
trading them around.

who knows how this will work.
well it will help.
as long as we believe in it.

and finally.
on sunday.
another ordinary sunday.

but with a link.
to the glorious past.
we shall live it again.

with much laughter.

for the sun rises to set.
and the moon is what's left of it.
won't you come by.

and watch the moon filled sky with me.

EDIT:
and i know what to get now.
i just need a pinch of timing.
and a bit of hope.

and that dream will come so very true.

almost there now.
with that chance presented to me.
by this extreme stroke of luck.

i will succeed.

moon

2009-02-11T21:43:00.001+08:00

more lyrics.
for there's nothing better to put.

slowly and surely.
day by day.

one step at a time.
all the way.

there we will go.
and there we will stand.

staring at the eclipsing moon.
whilst holding hands.

that is the fantasy.

To my surprise, and my delight
I saw sunrise, I saw sunlight
I am nothing in the dark
And the clouds burst to show daylight

Ooh and the sun will shine
Yeah on this heart of mine
Ooh and I realise
Who cannot live without
Ooh come apart without

On a hill top, on a sky-rise
Like a first born child
On a full day, and a full flight
Defeat darkness, breaking daylight

Ooh and the sun will shine
Yeah on this heart of mine
Ooh and I realise
Who cannot live without
Ooh come apart without
Daylight

Slowly breaking through the daylight

beginnings

2009-02-09T14:40:00.004+08:00

maybe i have been spamming too many song lyrics.
so that shall stop.
for now.

in the meantime.
i'll just find something to.
talk about.

school has been fine.
if you take today only.
not too bad.

it just doesn't stay the same.
for things change.
and other things will change with them.

people hate change.
but they are the very beings who.
created change itself.

after all.
it is because of change that.
we are here.

it is because of change.
that the world is.
in disaster and turmoil.

and it is because of change.
that we try.
to save it.

the calendar says my luck tomorrow is average.
average.
i guess that is what i am now.

but with a bit of change.
and hard work.
a lot of it.

then maybe the winds of fate.
will tear a crack open in the cave.
and a beam will shine through.

and then i'll walk.

walk the way out.

stop

2009-02-08T15:54:00.004+08:00

realise in that a short time.
we will return back to normal again.

or what will be the normal.
in the majority's eyes.

And the hardest part
Was letting go not taking part
Was the hardest part
And the strangest thing
Was waiting for that bell to ring
It was the strangest start

I could feel it go down
Bittersweet I could taste in my mouth
Silver lining the clouds
Oh and I
I wish that I could work it out

And the hardest part
Was letting go not taking part
You really broke my heart, oh
And I tried to sing
But I couldn't think of anything
And that was the hardest part, oh, oh

I can feel it go down
You left the sweetest taste in my mouth
You're a silver lining the clouds
Oh and I
Oh and I
I wonder what it's all about

I wonder what it's all about

Everything I know, is, wrong
Everything I do
It just comes undone
And everything is torn apart
Oh and thats the hardest part
That's the hardest part
Yeah that's the hardest part
That's the hardest part.

lining

2009-02-08T00:22:00.003+08:00

and that is the end of the beginning.

for reality is cruel to those without talent.
but when one overcomes this lack of talent.
with hard, hard work.

then perhaps the sky will be filled.
with the light of the moon.
once again.

and when that ray of light.
pierces in through the pitch black darkness.
i will reach out.

and grab it.
on my first try.
and only.

on my first try.

ray

2009-02-03T09:53:00.004+08:00

today.
is the day of great rebellion.

where in the darkness.
one shall stand up.

and walk straight ahead.
not knowing what he might collide with.

but knowing that eventually.
no matter how bruised and injured he may become.

he will emerge out.
into the brilliant light.

and there he will stand.
and look at everything with awe.

for the effort was worth it.
and against all odds he made it.

such is the tribulation of this young man.
for today is the day he fights against his worst enemy.

who is none other than himself.

for in the pitch black surroundings.
where he cannot see his five fingers outstretched.

he will continue to walk.

for today is a day of rebellion.
and a final chance to seek something on higher ground.

just one more time.
one more chance.

is what he has got now.
and that chance he shall use.

with great effort and emotion.
he struggles on.

waiting for that moment.
where he'll come through.

for the light is the day that has gone past.
and the light is the sunrise that is approaching fast.

gone is the emotion of the previous day.
now hope is the only thing leading the way.

walk wherever he might and wherever he may.
the darkness shall always stand in his way.

but with determination and a heart that doesn't give up.
that darkness might relent soon enough.

and clear a path for him to move.
for a ray of light is shining through.

and towards that ray of light he'll go.
should he emerge what a sight to behold.

the sky is filled with the light of the moon.
and within it all that's happened so soon.

and there the man will stare with awe.
his heart will be still and filled one with song.

a song that has captured him through time.
with grace and tragedy it speaks a rhyme.

of love and a pure heart so clear.
that overrides any hate or fear.

and then he comes to realize.
it has been with him all the time.

and he shall treasure it in his heart from now.
for it is by this that he can bow.

and say a word of thanks.
for this is the last chance that he has.

and he shall use it.

reach

2009-01-30T20:33:00.002+08:00

i just hope.
i get.

one more time.
one more chance.

and then.
i will try again.

its not something i regret though.
because after all.

these two years.
have been the two most fantastic years.

of my small life.

Oh no, I see
A spider web is tangled up with me
And I lost my head
And thought of all the stupid things I'd said

Oh no, what's this?
A spider web and I'm caught in the middle
So I turned to run
And thought of all the stupid things I'd done

I never meant to cause you trouble
I never meant to do you wrong
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble
Oh no, I never meant to do you harm

Oh no, I see
A spider web and it's me in the middle
So I twist and turn
But here am I in my little bubble

Singing and I never meant to cause you trouble
I never meant to do you wrong
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble
Oh no, I never meant to do you harm

They spun a web for me
They spun a web for me
They spun a web for me...

risk

2009-01-25T23:49:00.007+08:00

been awhile since i did this.

because sometimes just sitting and waiting.
is not enough.

it's more than enough for me though.

the days go by so fast.
like i said in a history that has long gone past.

at least i.
can do what i want to do.

and sit here.
as i watch people walk past me.

not that i am stationary.
just that i move slowly.

and take time to enjoy the scenery.
which unfolds beyond the dust that settles.

and then we shall repeat this all over again.
and still enjoy it.

for we will remember.
and remember.

we will.

integrity

2009-01-22T12:11:00.005+08:00

my mom speaks to me about.
bias and prejudice.
and why it can exist in places most unlikely.

i feel blessed.
because for many years i've been kept in the dark.
staying happy at the sight of my parents' smiles.

it's been a few years now.
and i have long known the true side of who i thought.
were at least kind in that sense.

but life doesn't change.
i will still smile when my parents do.
because they have worked hard for me.

telling a lie is an easy thing to do.
keeping a lie is not so easy.

and so i don't find it to be bad in any way.
in fact.
i appreciate it.

so perhaps.
i might just start working hard.
to at least let them know that.

their son can do whatever he says he wants to do.

and let those fools know.
you picked the right person to lavish on.
now regret.

and regret it hard.

because revenge is not what i seek for.
it is redemption.

absence

2009-01-17T12:47:00.003+08:00

in essence.
i have nothing to say.

well the days drag along.
so eventually time will come to pass.

and life will go back to normal.

but letting it stay like this for a little while longer.
is perhaps a good thing.

for in the end.
everything will stay the same.

or return to what it was.

and we can all sit down together.
and think.

of what exactly we did with our lives.

for pondering about existence is just another of humanity's unsolved questions.

2009-01-12T00:06:00.002+08:00

listen
well.
for as long as i hear it playing.

oh well.

one day we all know that.
we shall meet again.

and that no matter how far the hands of fate might pull us apart.
there will always be a crossroad that will bring us.

back together again.

and then i shall turn around.
and i shall remember.

everything that was dear to me.
memories that will now only reside in my mind.

i know there is nothing left to say.
because we all know together.

what this will all become.

and with that i say goodbye.
one last time.

and so tomorrow.
it's a brand new day.

also.
to myself.

it's probably a silly thing to do.
but if it really happens.

i will try harder this year.

and perhaps.
even if i'll have to wait a bit longer.

i will wait with open arms.

for what is a day to an eternity?

and what is a day to a second without you.

so.
oh winds of fate.

if it be your will.

i am not asking for a miracle.
i am trying to make one happen.

and through all these inevitabilities.
accidents.
and my actions.

perhaps the miracle i dream of might just come true.

it's not about the material result.

it's that i know.
that it's time to ask.

time to ask once more.

2009-01-10T00:20:00.001+08:00

refresh
what else have i left to say.

well.
just a bit more.

and it'll all be clear.

so i'll just sit here and wait.

because waiting is all i could do.
it's still the only thing i can do.

so i will wait.

and one day the result will come at the end of it.

2009-01-01T23:46:00.001+08:00

drag
and just for the date.
it shall be here.

nothing has changed in the end.
so onward and forward i shall continue to walk.

onward and forward i go.

2008-12-31T22:29:00.003+08:00

bang
and so come the final minutes before the glorious ending.
not too glorious, but still.
it shall be glorious all the same.

as with 2 years ago.
here we go again.

to the class.
4.4 Ezra 2008.

these two years are forever irreplaceable.
forever unable to be duplicated.

yet these two short years have thus come to pass.
we might want to continue as we are.

but from now on, the fact is inevitable.
we will go our separate ways.

after all, it was fate that brought us all here.
so is there any reason for us to continue staying the way we are?

no.
and they don't let us anyway.

so to each and every one of you.
a deep impression has been left in my heart.

despite how unfriendly,
ignorant,
aggressive,
crazy,
and uninterested you might have been towards me.

in the end.
you can't do anything else.

so i thank you.

1) Ariel
in essence, someone who can play along with whatever insanity you throw at him.
yet he stays sane.
i thank you.
for even though you weren't a close friend.
a friend is a friend nonetheless.

2) Austyn Yong
in essence.
actually.
i thank you.
for your passive attitude.
for you are still a friend in the end.
despite what everyone else thinks.

3) Benjamin Kee
three years. oh wow.
but now that we're all off on our own.
i can hope for the best.
try not to screw up now.
and here are my thanks.
for the many times we stayed over.
for the many times we laughed (mostly at you).
for the many times you helped me out, which given your expertise i am not worthy of at all.
and for being the same no matter what.
although of course, changing for the better is always.
better.
no matter who you become in the future.
you are you.
so there.
and so, my good friend.
i fear, with the circumstances.
we will eventually part.
and part we will.
with a smile that will fade with age.

4) Nick Chan
always one to be silly.
i hope this doesn't happen to you from now on.
but the world is cruel.
so this is your chance.
so i wish you all the best with it.
and perhaps when the time comes.
you will have succeeded.

5) Chandra
more indo insanity.
but nevertheless.
someone who shares it.
so i thank you.
for the craziness.

6) Dickxon
well.
uninterested maybe.
but in the end.
being neutral is better than being hated.
so thank you for.
whoever you choose yourself to be.
because there is no one else even one bit close.

7) Edward Doong
sigh.
i have to say.
we pretty much share interests.
and talk about pretty much everything.
i hope you can somewhat forgive.
the times where i get frustrated over your
repetitive ways.
perhaps a bit more patience was what could have done it.
but time can't turn itself back.
i wouldn't want it to anyway.
because we still remain good friends.
so i hope it can stay that way.
after all.
we still have some random stuff to work together on.
and given the situation.
we might still meet out of something.
so perhaps.
but the time will come.
so if and when it comes.
i only wish you will stay the way you are.
because if you can still make us friends as your unique self.
why can't you with anyone else?
so keep moving forward.
for you will always be you.
as i see and as i will remember.

8) Elsufyan
well. perhaps.
we might have been better friends if we shared that interest.
strategy.
but sadly, i am not so enthusiastic in that.
but you are a good friend nevertheless.
so i can only wish you all the best.

9) Jack Ho
i wonder how i ended up with you for four years.
but now the time has come to part.
oh finally.
jokes aside, thank you.
for your enthusiasm.
and the drama that unfolded every time you spoke.

10) Pradnya
i was tempted to type out the whole name.
oh well.
nevertheless.
another indo.
who can take as much of my silly acts as much as i can take his.
i thank you.
for making our lives brighter in your small way.

11) Iskandar
what a joker.
is all i can think.
and indeed.
most of the time you end up laughing at me.
i wonder why.
but still.
as long as it keeps anyone happy.
so keep the way you are.
for people like it.
and i'm sure you know that too.

12) Jeffri
yet another.
indo who can take my insanity as much as i can his.
thank you for the funky dance moves.
the harvest moon.
and all that talk about jc.

13) Tim Lau
well.
slight bit hostility perhaps.
not that i was very quiet in response.
but you are unique in your way.
or trying to be.
i hope you really don't try out one of your plans on someone.
because everybody is special in their way and doesn't deserve to die at the expense of another one's pleasure.
so keep it this way.
and it'll all be fine.

14) Gerard Lee
again.
i do not understand why i have known you for four years.
but your attitude hasn't changed.
i can't say keeping it that way is for any good.
but maybe it's not me who has to tell you to realize.
what has been going around you.
nevertheless.
i can only wish you all the best.
and that by pure luck you may be saved.
and then you will realize.
for you will have no so-called luck left by then.

15) Shaun Lin
well.
what can i say.
another unique style.
is what perhaps keeps us going.
plus a post-end line for laughs.
because that's only where you seem to come in.
but as an intellectual.
you are valued. i guess.
to me, though.
a great friend.
who will play along.
for the both of our increased laughter.
in the end.
once again.
you may change.
but you are still you.
i thank you, finally.
for the recurring jokes.
voicing your desire.
or rather, your passion.
perhaps it might come true.
but the world is a cruel place.
so who knows.
just know that in the end.
i am still your friend.
and a good one at that.

16) Andy Loo
someone i knew from way back.
i had always admired your talents since then.
and now.
you like to joke around.
but the courtesy and respect does not fade.
and at that i am grateful.
and i shall wish you all the best.

17) Reuben Wong
perhaps it was more of my fault.
but either way.
you have played along.
so i thank you for that.
and the laughter you brought everyone.
for the chess that everyone else played.
and group of people you brought together with it.
those were good times.
and i'm sure you will continue this way.

18) Rheza
always a bit mysterious in terms of reaction.
but you play along at my silliness as well.
so i thank you for that.
and also the jokes you bring.
for they were special in their own way.

19) Ricky
perhaps more passive.
but when you get excited.
it becomes a chaos.
in a good sense.
but nevertheless.
thank you for listening.

20) Russell See
you were entertaining in your own way.
and the courtesy, too, didn't fade.
so i can only wish you all the best.
and that perhaps.
just perhaps.
you can stay like that.
because after all, i guess.
you will be happiest when you can be yourself.

21) Ryan Cheok
entertaining in your own way too.
if only you were more open.
but it's fine either way.
for our time is up.
so i can only wish you all the best.

22) Ryan Foo
i remember how we started talking.
it all started with a similar interest.
who knew what happened then.
and then something else grew.
and soon enough.
everyday we spent as friends.
great friends.
like edward.
you are unique like that.
and that's a good thing.
maybe you can go pair up with him and do a stand-up comedy.
but that's only useless chatter.
like what we did everyday.
but every word came with enjoyment.
and shared with each other.
each and every one of them were and still are precious.
but now that interest is no more.
and other attempts have sort of failed.
but i'm still sure.
that we might stay like this.
for you are working towards it after all.
and i will look forward to it.
for you are an irreplaceable friend.
just, and so ironically, like the rest.

23) Tan Chuanxi
another person i knew.
from oh so long ago.
but now the time has come.
i thank you.
for your enthusiasm.
and your friendliness towards me.
your energy.
that drove the class along.
and continuing to play alongside me for the exams.
even if it was out of laziness to find another partner.
which i highly doubt.
i treasure it greatly.
and in the end.
when you play with your friend.
the music sounds the best.

24) Kai Wei
passive.
i suppose.
but still friendly.
which is a good thing.
i guess.
so thank you.
for being a part of it all.
as with the rest.
no one else can take that number from beside your name.

25) Tan Ti Wern
hooray.
i promised i would write something long.
so long i will write.
to me.
you are, despite who you look to be.
a very dedicated.
passionate.
understanding.
and mature.
person.
yet you still put up with what childish things we do.
and i thank you for that.
because it has brought us much joy.
because you are special in your own way.
and to us, that is a wonderful gift.
so i thank you.
for the times you didn't mind following us around.
for the times we all sat around in the bus and talked all kinds of nonsense.
dropping history was a good choice.
i hope you didn't regret it.
because i didn't.
and as the days drag along.
you may not end up the ti wern we all have come to know.
but you will still be you.
and to me, a precious friend.

26) Brian Tan
quiet at first.
but in the end.
a random.
and fun guy to be with.
perhaps the fun times could have lasted longer.
but this is more or less the end.
so i thank you.
for being the friend you were.

27) Nathaniel Toh
again.
i do not understand.
how someone like you would come to even notice someone like me.
but nevertheless.
your friendliness and courtesy prevailed.
it's wonderful to have a friend whom you think will never befriend you.
so i thank you for making that highly unlikely situation come true.

28) Nick Wee
well.
in the end.
you still were nice to me.
so i thank you.
and for the laughs.
as well as who you are in your own way.
i thank you.

29) Willie Quek
once again.
the friendliness.
and the courtesy.
prevail.
no matter how crazy you can get sometimes.
there will be no one who can get crazy like you.
not by magnitude.
but by what you do.
so i wish you all the best.
for you were a friend to me.

30) Wira
quiet, passive perhaps.
but never refusing to listen.
never refusing to take an opportunity to talk.
i thank you.
for showing that friendly attitude.
to someone you have barely known.
yet over these two years.
it persevered and.
as we part.
you will remain a friend to me.

31) OOOOO
hmm.
well what can i say.
this is such an awesome person.
words can't describe the awesome.

...

i am letting my ego get the better of me.
well that will be something to avoid.
now on the new year's list.
but this will be farewell to the me from then.
for everyone will change in their own small way.
or even big way.
and what was left behind.
will only become a memory.
so to the me from then.
i say goodbye.

32) Melvin Yuen
i never considered myself to have a best friend.
but in reality.
perhaps it was just denial.
perception is what makes the reality.
so in majority human terms.
you were my best friend.
were?

it all started.
with a small thing.
which in your personality.
still produces and shoots at me.

and it grew into something big.
which blew up with no glory at all.
and i was left standing there with nothing.

perhaps all the comfort i had was to shout and scream.
but at least you were there to laugh at me.
for it is better than looking up into the sky.
and staring all my hate into the moon.

which continued to shine so brightly.
into the dimmest point of my life.

but that is all over now.
and you haven't changed.

everyday teasing and laughing at me.
laughing together at silly things we both do.

to other people it might be annoying.
but to me, you wouldn't be my best friend if you didn't do all those.

i used to wonder.
why do i tell you things i don't want you to hear.
because if you did you'd just make fun of me.

but i realized the reason for that a long time ago.
and it was because.
when you are happy, i am happy.

just as with all my other friends.

so perhaps.
we could continue along the road like this.
but one day there will be a fork that will separate us.
for there is no such thing as a life friend.

so i can only try to make it happen.
and the rest i will leave for the hand of salvation.
because if we didn't hope in the first place.
it would never happen.

so i thank you,
for everything you are.
too long to list out if i took a year writing this.
because in the end.

a part of you made a great part of me.
and for that, i am grateful.
because who knows what i would become.
if i had never met you.

thank you.

33) Zachary Sim
once again.
the courtesy prevailed.
and i made another friend.
thank you for the occasional joy.
and i wish you all the best.

34) Zakhran
and last but not least.
thank you for the joy you brought to everyone.
and the same, albeit a bit changed person.
you were since i first met you.
but friends we are.
so let's remain that way.

...

our class might have just been a number and a name above a door.
yet it was a living entity.
unique and full of life in its own special way.

there will be no other group of people that will.
act.
laugh.
and live.
like us.

and how we carried this out.
i will forever remember.

parting is such sweet sorrow.
but no matter how far the winds of fate may tear us apart.

in our hearts, the bond will remain.

so i bid you all
farewell.

...

for i will no longer look to the top.
i look forward.
and towards only one thing.
i shall walk.

whether i walk with everyone.
or on my own.
i know that i can't really
expect anything more.

because no miracles exist in this world.
only accidents and inevitabilities.
and the actions that one takes.

so i will reach my hand out.
and try to make that miracle happen.

for you are ever so kind.
ever so good to me.

and i appreciate that oh so much.
so i will keep walking towards you.

until the day i reach you.
and we shall both say.

till death do us apart.

(and by the way, i am not talking about melvin in the last bit. repeat. i am not gay.)

2008-12-29T09:06:00.003+08:00

fantasy

bleh.
another dream.

this time.
most of it was again.

nonsense.

but it all seemed so real.
especially at that part.

that part i would hold so dear to my memories.
if it ever would come true.

and i haven't forgotten already.

perhaps it's time.
to make some changes.

and with a bit more patience.
i'll get there.

because in the end.
all the nonsensical things.

will just disappear.

and then it'll be just two.
sitting there.

and the beautiful memory will unfold.

...

well.
it's nearing the end.

i hope i can remember everyone's register.
haha.

because there will be an eventual farewell.
and there will be an even more eventual reunion.

that will remind us.
no matter who we are then.

it will remind us of who we were as a whole.

so with a little work.
and a little patience.

i want to get there.
and i will get there eventually.

because it'll break, it's precious.
so it's okay if i lose.

because at least i kept it precious to my heart.

2008-12-24T11:38:00.003+08:00

shine
just a short post before i continue my work.
christmas.
here we come.

because in the end.
what really mattered was why.

i was thinking last night on what to write on new year's eve.
silly me.

well soon enough it will come.

and soon enough i will write about it.

i wonder why leaving things to the last minute comes naturally to me.
just a part i suppose.

now i will look at that beautiful picture.
for a few seconds.

Bones, sinking like stones
All that we fall for.
Homes, places we’ve grown
All of us are done for.

We live in a beautiful world.
Yeah we do,
Yeah we do.
We live in a beautiful world.

Bones, sinking like stones
All that we fought for.
Homes, places we've grown
All of us are done for.

And we live in a beautiful world.
Yeah we do,
Yeah we do.
We live in a beautiful world.

Bones, sinking like stones
All that we fought for.
And homes, places we've grown
All of us are done for.

And we live in a beautiful world.
Yeah we do,
Yeah we do.
We live in a beautiful world.

And we live in a beautiful world.
Yeah we do,
Yeah we do.
We live in a beautiful world.

Oh, all that I know
There's nothing here to run from.
Cos yeah, everybody here's got somebody to lean on.

and i will be back off to work.

2008-12-19T11:05:00.003+08:00

wrapping
well.
as the days drag by.
my xlation drags too.
but by chirstmas. well.

hopefully.

of heckling and jumping around.
i have yet to master that which is the advanced.
like i am making any sense anyway.
it'll only make sense.

to me.

oh well.
nothing much left to say, i guess.
the rest i shall leave.
to someone else.

ah the tragedy.

so no more aiming for the top.
because there will always be.
someone else.
who can do it.

and who will.

so i aim forward.
because walking in a straight line will never get you anywhere.
this winding path lies ahead of me.
and i shall continue.

to walk on it alone.

2008-12-12T08:48:00.003+08:00

delay
well.
i didn't forget.
but the late still means late.

what i best remember while i was over there.
art can stretch to such wonders.
and the people within it, reaching out so far.

still unable to touch it.

adding on the the sad realistic end.
and the tragedy.
everything else was fine.

work more or less done.
despite the fact i was lazing off even there.
but then again, that's what its for.

so now i shall leave.
back to the battle and more work.
for this wonderful piece.

shall be all we're left to see.

2008-12-04T19:18:00.000+08:00

technical
well.
its about over.

today.

now i am on a frenzy.
to regain lost xlate time.

i figure if i work.
nine hours a day for the next five days.

i might just be able to finish this now overly large pile of papers i brought with me.

but well.
on another note.

...

i realise i think too hard.
but i guess it's now a part of me.

must be the reason why i turn to gaming.

well.
what else can i do.

not like it's that bad a quality anyway.

oh.
the fields of grey.

as the sun disappears beyond the horizon.
darkness descends on this wide abyss.

and i wonder what i am doing here.

i'm speaking nonsense.
again.

and that shall be all.

oh.
what brilliant fields of grey.

2008-12-03T09:37:00.001+08:00

one
well.
soon enough.

in the morning i was.
thinking.
again.
what it would be like to write again.

but my xlation is still.
incomplete.
so much to say.
better finish it before embarking on other silly aspirations.

but i guess.
that's what youth is supposed to be.
all about.
and what it's not about.

...

smoke is rising
from the houses.
people burying their dead.

i asked somebody
what the time was.
but time doesn't matter to them, yet.

people talking
without speaking.
trying to take what they can get.

i asked you
if you remember.
prospekt how could i forget.

drums.
here it comes.

don't you wish your life could be as simple
as fish swimming around in a barrel?

when you've got the gun.

oh and i run.
here it comes.

we're just two little figures in a soup bowl
trying to get behind a kind of control.

but i
wasn't one.

now here i lie.
on my own in a separate sky.

and here i lie.
on my own on a separate sky.

i don't wanna die.
on my own, here tonight.

but here i lie.
on my own in a separate sky.

...

ah, behold.
the fields of grey.

2008-12-01T20:04:00.001+08:00

rememberance
oh.
almost forgot.

...

doesnt matter anyway.
back to where i came from then.

2008-12-01T10:13:00.002+08:00

longing
once again.
tapping.
but not for long.

everything's been alright.
so far.
perhaps one slight overusage.
but i'll compensate.

so that shall be it.
for now.
for now?

yes.
for now.

2008-11-27T00:08:00.002+08:00

leave
well yes.
i will be gone.
hopefully i can find some time.
to come back for awhile.

but i will be back eventually.
so yes.
nothing else to say so.
that's a done deal i guess.

and so i will be off.

2008-11-24T16:17:00.002+08:00

serenity
well.
all's quiet now.
but it won't be soon before long.

Oukashou
TENMON
Byousoku 5 Centimeter Original Soundtrack
[00:22/4:51] [-|---------]

i'll never get sick of what has been with me.
people come and people go.
and eventually.

i'll just sit here and listen.
and everything will come back.
come back to me again.

perhaps one day.
what i have come to enjoy so much.
will help those i wish to help as well.

i can imagine it.
but no one else can.
so what.

leave it be.
i'll wait.
sometimes my resolve fails me.

but in the end.
i just have to come back here.
to know that.

i'll wait.

people come and people go.
soon it will be time for us to go our separate ways.
with a small token to remember that never was.

but ill stand in the middle of this busy street.
turn my head up and look into the endless sky.
and i'll wait for you there.

for at the crossroads people meet.
brushing shoulders as they pass.
but we.

we'll turn around.
and walk back down the road.

together.

2008-11-14T08:13:00.002+08:00

ingenuity
forgot about yesterday.

well.
it was good.
i suppose.

well now i must go.
or should i.

didn't manage to buy the avenue q tickets thanks to the counter being "temporarily unavailable".

so oh well.
time to defrag.
off i go then.

it's my wish.
just my sincere wish.

but i don't think i'll get to be with you for one more time.

2008-11-10T18:13:00.002+08:00

wishful
i haven't been studying.
i haven't been translating.
i need something that pushes me to do so (well the translation not the study).

well it will all be over soon.
and i will have to find a quantum of solace poster to post on thursday.
but we'll leave it till then.

and as for what i wanted.
well that's just wishful thinking.
who says i can't continue with my life like this anyway.

it's fine by me.

i wonder how people write stories.
those that contain all the warmth.
and make you wonder.

in this wide world.
in this cold world.

how can i ever find someone like you again.

2008-11-07T09:13:00.002+08:00

return
well.
after all those months of.
slugging around, compromising, clicking through channels a thousand times a day.

i can gladly say.

i am back.

now to make up for lost time.

it's not over yet.
but the bulk of it is.

and so i go.

2008-10-19T10:02:00.002+08:00

awe
ah. mahoraba.
never ceases to amaze.

well just one slight note before we all disappear.

i know i've copied this before but oh well.

in this place,
there have been greetings.

farewells, and
reunions.

it all began.
with a little bit of luck.

people.
materials.

events.
feelings.

they all gathered here.

eventually,
it grew into something very large.

and very precious.

this is
a comfortable place.

that everyone holds dear in their hearts.

it's form varies.
from person to person.

but for me,
it is...

is what.
so yes, it's finished.

ah mahoraba.
you never cease to amaze.

and now i shall continue along this long dusty road.
eyes only in front.

and some day.
just one day.

i'll see whoever is in front of me.

2008-10-13T21:56:00.002+08:00

pity
well.
what can i say.

one more month.
it'll all be over soon.

if i can just hang in there.
hit myself twice and get in control.

then maybe.
maybe i am even that little bit worthy then.

to face you.
and to ask you...

*abrupt end to nonsensical talk*

so off i go.

2008-10-02T23:04:00.002+08:00

well
and well.
the gap is closing.

the collision is nearing.
and i can do nothing to stop it.

but as i look on.
and beyond.

i see.
and i realise that.

maybe there is hope after all.

2008-09-20T10:43:00.002+08:00

happiness
last night was, in its way.
a small memory of its own.

but we're not done yet.
people's feelings may be dynamic but.

we won't forget.
and we don't want to forget.

i've been reading a lot of profound material recently.
it's pretty amazing how people's minds can come up with such things.
such is the work of art.
and such is why we still don't know how our own minds function.

yet there are still people who cannot love themselves for who they are.
the human mind is such a mystery.

but this profound material keeps me thinking.
and someday i will change along with wherever i want to go.
like how other people change for each other.
it is inevitable, and the me from the past will be but a written entry in this lonely corner.

but in the end, the majority will decide.
and i will sit and wait.

in this city.
there are no people.

only me.

but as i walk along the empty road.
i will see them.

and they will walk along with me.
and so will she.

the someone just for me.

2008-09-06T19:36:00.002+08:00

normal

how fitting.

i'm not feeling myself these days.
physically. maybe.
well that's not the point anyway.

yes i've picked up something else to read.
which i am already done with.
i guess after years of seeing the same line of thing.
this comes as a bit of a shock.

i guess that's what they call alternative.
but this is not literally alternative.
though it doesn't matter anyway.

perspective matters.
majority matters.

but i am not a part of the majority perspective.
so maybe i'll accustom my eyes to this.
and like the changing perspective in and out of the suit.
i'll eventually see inside it.

so yes.
i suppose this will be all.

dinner and.
more work awaits.

so i will just leave this at peace.
and hope.

that it'll be a great story.

(nothing beats Mahoraba though.)

2008-09-04T21:26:00.002+08:00

distraction
and we all know this is just for filler.
oh well.

every day i talk about the same thing.
not that i want to reach out to somebody anyway.

in the end all the remembered thoughts will still be in my head.
so i avoid all that untrustworthy stares everyone gives to people who still write.

hopefully. i guess.

can't even bother putting sinfest up.
so i guess this will be it.

oh mooncakes.

it'll be that time again oh so soon.

only this time i haven't something to write.
yet in spite.
of whatever moonlight.
there may be left in the night.

i will not say a word.

because all there is to this conversation is myself.

2008-09-01T20:02:00.002+08:00

waiting

somewhat strange.
but it's magic anyway.

ah art.
what i would give.

after all.
this beats all the half-decent stuff around.

i guess.

fall is coming soon.
the parties will all wrap up.
the people on duty will clean up.
and everything will be silent as the leaves start to fall.

love will be in the air.
or so i think.

i realise major errors in my life happen in these months.
at least the first one is over.
now for the rest to hunt me down.
wait what am i saying.

well anyway.
hopefully things will go well from here.
and i'll get to sit back and enjoy life.
after all, all-time studying is not really my thing.

so hopefully.
please fall.
come around with wonderful things.
summer was oh-so disappointing.

but within the wreck.
i guess the most valuable treasure is inside.

but i'll be looking forward to the next season anyway.
after all i've already given up on this one.

just a pearl or two satisfies me for today.
now to start preparing.
preparing for the road ahead.

and i'll be there to watch the leaves fall.

2008-08-31T23:29:00.003+08:00

sentimental

before and after.

okay i admit.
i shouldn't have read it all at one go.
but it's not like i regret it.
after all the ending was wonderful.

and it was warm.

well i get some time on a laptop now. which is why i'm posting.
or should i say.
i'm hogging it. can't help it.
old habits stay.

well now to continue slacking off.
sort of.
i am working hard.
a bit.

but i suppose.
in all.

once there is something important.
people will change.
and the world will change with them.
hopefully i'll find something important to hold on to as well.

or maybe i already have.

well.
i'll just be paitient.
it'll come soon enough.
and in the meantime.

i'll prepare for it.

2008-08-27T14:20:00.004+08:00

essentially
tired.
somewhat.

breaks now and then are good after all.

oh well.

it'll all be over soon anyway. hopefully.

and then i can go back to no-lifing all over again.
and also hopefully be able to come back from the trip thing early. not that i don't value china.

that's it for now i suppose.
better than nothing.

oh and a random quote to end it all.

in this wide world.
of all the people out there.

the luck that brought us all together...